Bee

Maybe it’s the lack of food and sleep. The void in my week that we used to have together cuddling talking catching up. Maybe that’s what’s making me so scared. I need reassurance more than ever. I’m crazy. You should be the one thats like this. I broke your trust. So why am I the one that is scared and jealous the second I see you texting a girl. I don’t know. I rock myself back and forth to comfort myself put
My ring up to my sunburnt lips to remind me youre mine. I just wanna be ok. And maybe soon I will be. Maybe I just need more time.

The fact of the matter is that all those thoughts and raw emotions are what you honestly think. You can delete it. But now I know. Now I know that when you’re down and out and alone with your thoughts that you’re still sad. You’re still mad. You’re still Hurt. Just like me. You can delete it thinking that it will make things a little better. Or because you got it out of your system it’ll never come into your mind again. But it will. I guess the reason that I was offended or Hurt is that in the end I haven’t helped you feel better about anything. At the end of the day I still can’t help you fight your demons or forget your past. I was just mad at myself. You shouldn’t have to apologize for writing what youre thinking. Especially on tumblr. Just know that. But when you do just keep in mind I’ll see it and I’ll want to talk about it. And help you. Because I love you. That’s all

I just can’t right now. I feel sick. I gave up. I couldn’t. I stopped talking to boys. Even Kyle. I sacrificed a lot. I do so much. I guess I misunderstood putting the past behind us. I feel sick. I can’t talk eat think. I just want to be alone.

Reason we don’t fight with each other is we are too busy fighting with ourselves. That doubt that lack of trust that voice… That’s why we don’t fight. We try and stick together cuz the second we fight we risk losing it all.

I remember all my problems. Reality sets in.

I CAN’T PRETEND THINGS ARE OK

Honestly it makes me burn inside and flips my stomach to think about the fact that the relationships I have don’t tell me the whole truth. I don’t understand I’ve been with them all the way why do they still try and cover up the raw emotions that I just want to help them through. I wear my heart on my sleeve for them I practically throw my raw emotions on them and then I get through it with them.., but when I try and do the same for them they treat me like we met 5 minutes ago. I feel heartbreak every Time. And I don’t hide it. Trust me. You know.

I read every single one of your posts. You know what I noticed? There was one from a year ago, and it said “I love you ~you know who you are”

To think…

It could have been a year.
It could have been since homecoming. But you dragged yourself to her then liked a new girl. I felt bad for getting a boyfriend, but then again I really didn’t have much time for that After doing what I did. And after being with him I was not happy.. I just stayed in
Ya a storm
He didn’t understand no one did or wanted to.
Then you had a chance and you didn’t take it. Then I tried and tried so hard to make you see how happy we could be and you just wouldn’t.
Ask
We put each other thru hell. I dated Alan because he was nice and knew what to say thought you were dating Courtney. But the post you wrote about me I was scared. You scared me saying all those things to me. That’s one of the reasons we weren’t friends at the beginning of this year .. But it’s all in the past. It’s just interesting to see how much we’ve been thru and appreciate what we have that much more

Sure why not. You haven’t had anything but some apple some fruit loops some m&ms and McDonald’s that you were pretty much made to eat. Go home. Throw up. Pack his lunch and hope he never feels this way about him self. Every curve and muscle in him is perfect. His frame is strong and he’s not obnoxiously chiseled. And as much as he tells you that you’re beautiful. As much as he says you’re the perfect size, you feel like he’s the only person in the world that will ever really believe that. Just don’t eat and throw up as much as you can. Youve lost 8 lbs but that’s not nearly enough. 124 isnt good enough. 120 to 115 to 110 then you’ll be done. Then you’ll be skinny. But you can’t keep this up. You’re getting weaker. You need to run. You need to exercise. Combined with not eating and drinking lots of water and sweating it off you’ll lose it. The weight will fall off. And you’ll still be able to afford eating one meal when youre with his family. You can do it. You shouldn’t do it. You’re going to keep trying. Go ahead eat your cake now. See if you can keep it down. Ha.